We seem compelled to create goals, as if we would be lifeless blobs that never get out of bed unless we are striving to achieve some goal. We follow guidelines that tell us goals must be specific and measurable, and that they must be time-limited. We set weight goals, job performance goals, fitness goals, bucket lists, “10 places to see before I die” lists.
And then we fail.
Unfortunately, there are more ways to fail than to succeed. You only succeed by achieving the goal. You may strive mightily for a few weeks and see too little progress. Your motivation is sapped. You stop exercising or start indulging in the foods that gave you those extra pounds you wanted to lose, or any of the other bad habits you were trying to break. Why? All because you set goals.
Everything in our universe is a system, including us and the environment we live in. Everything we do is a function of that system in operation. It is not just what we are, but also all of our history leading us to this point. This is the hurdle we overcome in order to make improvements in our lives.
An essential part of being human is how we are motivated. As discussed in a previous post, intrinsic motivation is driven by our innate desire for autonomy, mastery and connection. Working toward objectives totally under our control provides a feeling of autonomy over and our pursuit of mastery. We enjoy this. We want more. Goals do not permit this.
It’s not that goals are bad. The problem is we create them standalone, as if the presence of a goal will erase everything that got us to this place and create the behavior required to achieve it. We also create goals based on someone else’s definition of what we should do or be or how we should behave. We will react to these goals as if they are obligations. As we know from many cycles of crash diets, oscillating weight loss, injuries from over doing it at the gym, these reactions to goals are unhealthy and demotivating. This is evidence that our system is not prepared for the goals we have set. This is why we fail. This is why our New Year’s Resolutions rarely survive January.
When we set goals, we need the goals to align with our intrinsic motivation, to encourage us to seek even greater autonomy and mastery. That only works once we are synchronized with our current systems.
What is Your Current State?
At this instant in time you have a set of capabilities, habits, and resources that represent your starting point, the system you have to work with. This is you, and you are a system. This should not be considered a liability. It just “is”. Your overall objective is to make a change in your life (if not, why are you reading this?). In order to make your life better you need to change the system. How do you do that?
Something has inspired you to make a change. You may be dissatisfied with some trait? You may have been given a stark warning by a healthcare professional (which they often disguise as a suggestion!). You may want to master some new skill or take up a new sport. Notice these are not all just trying make up for failings but are all making substantial changes to the system that is you.
You assess your current state all day every day without really thinking about that. You look in the mirror or aspire to take up a new challenge. Because this self-assessment is on-gong, you may never be conscious of all of the circumstances that have brought you to this point. But you recognize the gap and jump to stating a goal.
State an Objective, Not a Goal
Although they are often used synonymously, an objective is not a goal. It is an aspiration with serious intent, but it is not measurable, it has no deadline. For example, “I want to be healthy” is an objective, while “I want to lose 20 lbs by February” is a goal. Personal objectives should reflect your broad intentions for your life. They should not be something cast in concrete against which to bang your head.
Objectives are important because they give you the opportunity to make the changes in your system to align yourself to your objective. For example, you may need to have a physical to ensure you are physically able to survive the rigors of a new exercise routine. You may need to be vaccinated to withstand the threats of your trip to the jungles of Africa. Whatever the objective, your current system is probably unprepared. The bigger the objective the more intermediate activities you will need to perform.
Review the Gaps in Your System
Do you have the knowledge to achieve your objective? What should you learn and who can help you? Is on-line learning available to fill the gap or books that will inspire you? Are there social groups that you can join to support you?
Are you physically able to achieve your objective? What exercises can you safely perform to help prepare you?
Do you have the time to do what you want to do? Can you block out some time in your schedule to allocate to support your objective?
Does your family support the objective? They are a major part of your system. They demand time and attention and your relationships with them need tending.
Have you discussed your motivation for this objective and the kinds of commitments you will be making? Have you discussed ways in which they can help and support you?
This is valuable even when making small changes. Engaging your family in your journey is the best part of the journey! In fact, in your mind they may be a large reason for achieving the objective but if you fail to share the vision they may not support your activities.
Can your work support your objective? Is your schedule flexible enough to make time to do what you want to do? How does this affect carving time out to take the steps you want to take? Will you need to travel or take extended time off? If so, can you start preparing for that?
Start Making Small Changes
Now, identify a habit that reflects your objective. You have an objective to be healthy. Pick a small item that you think could be better. If you are winded by tying your shoelaces, try touching your toes 10 times whenever you tie your laces.
It does not matter what your current capability is, you can make a small change in the context of your current behavior to improve it. It may take a week or two, but you will feel an improvement. You will become addicted to that improvement. You will feel the desire to increase the number or intensity of your toe-touching.
Extending existing habits to encompass new behaviors is much easier to accomplish than trying to create a whole new habit. It is easier to add distance to a daily run than it is to start running every day. It is easier to prepare new healthier meals if you are already cooking every day than if you eat out every day. In this way you can transform bad habits to better habits or adopt good habits into common unrelated habits.
Making use of “unproductive time” can be one way to make progress. For example, commuting is a “habit”, often cued by the required departure time. You may drive, essentially on autopilot for long periods of every day. This time can be a good time to listen to audio books or podcasts. I often read while waiting in doctor’s offices or waiting for my or children. This all requires a bit of preparation: another set of changes to your systems.
Notice you are improving but you have not yet set any goals! And without goals, you cannot fail!
Now You Can Create a Goal, Carefully
Once you have the habit of making small changes that yield small improvements, you can try a goal. But a small goal. Perhaps your goal would be that tomorrow you will increase to 20 toe-touches. If you are at 18 or 19, this is a modest increase that you should feel empowered to achieve. You may feel this extra stretch will help you through a performance plateau.
If you are at 1, you are unlikely to get easily to 20 tomorrow. So, the question is how you arrived at 20 as your goal. It must not have been through clear-eyed assessment of your current ability. It can only arise as an expectation set by others, or impatience to increase the observable results. But this will defeat you by removing the joy from the process.
If you currently regularly achieve 30 toe-touches, there is no striving for improvement by setting a goal of 20. I am quite certain you will feel no satisfaction in achieving the goal and this may demotivate you. You were enjoying the feeling of improvement when you controlled it but creating a meaningless goal will decrease your intrinsic motivation.
Why Do Goals Risk Failure?
Goals are a form of extrinsic measurement. They are imposed upon your objective from the outside. If this happens out of alignment with your current system you will be overwhelmed by the gap you are trying to fill. You will be overwhelmed by the results of the measurement to the detriment of the objective you sought to achieve. Achieving this goal has become an extrinsic motivation, even if you created the goal. You have lost control of your activity, losing some autonomy, to the stated goal. As we have seen previously, extrinsic motivation will reduce the intrinsic motivation of performing the activity. You may never recover this loss.
It is very important to keep any goals you set within the bounds of your current abilities, habits and relationships.
Conclusion
In the course of this discussion, you identified an objective in wishy-washy terms, that you aspired to be healthier and it would be nice not to be out of breath bending over to tie your shoelaces. You identified the process you wanted to improve, and you made a small improvement that would address directly the symptom you wanted to address.
You did not decide you needed to lose 20 lbs or suddenly start training to run a marathon. This likely would have ended with frustration and maybe injury.
Goals in the absence of a clear and honest understanding of the current state of your system will defeat you before you start.
You need to assess your current capabilities, your current habits, and the resources you have to achieve the goal. Set objectives that are meaningful to you, something that you aspire to achieve or that inspires you. Make small changes to existing habits that push you on the way to achieving that objective.
You will be surprised that you make improvements without really making the effort. You will be inspired to achieve more. These changes will be gradual and will become part of you, the system.